Well, you may not think it is that exciting but……I’m getting a puppy! So instead of being obsessed with what is or is not working in my world, I can concentrate on her, yes her, instead. I went to choose a brown and white dog and came away with a black and white bitch. Beautifully marked, intelligent face, kind shiney eyes, black shiney nose, big wide paws and a very waggy tail (undocked). We collect her on Wednesday, so all free time is spent puppy proofing the scullery and kitchen and checking on the fencing. Two escapologists (known as Daisy and Truffle) came to check on holes for us and found two! Clever doggies.
We had a fabulous adventure in California and one of the pastimes on long journeys was mulling over names. I already had one which I chose for another pup some while ago and then other names took precedence, so I now have the chance to use it. The criteria my fellow travellers had to work round was that the name had to have an X or a Q or a Z in it. As we approached the Mojave Desert we passed a notice signifying we were approaching Zyzzx. I’m not joking. But it didn’t have a Q in it. But neither has her chosen name.
My companions were concerned about the continuation of my hyperbaric treatment or the discontinuance should I say. I was grateful for their concerns and on the few occasions when the pains nearly got the better of me, I did wonder if I was doing the right thing. But, the attacks could have happened anyway, and the relapse certainly would at some point. That occurred on Hoover Dam day and the relapse could have been brought on for all sorts of reasons, whether I had been up to date on oxygen or not. Possibly having been 190’ below sea level in Death Valley didn’t help, particularly as we had been at around 8300’ 3 hours previously……..I wouldn’t have missed any bit of it for the world, and I learned a bit more about the need for empowerment: A new word in my vocabulary.
So it was good to have a break from life in Kent and evaluate my life there and put into perspective the good and bad bits of my new existence. Which is what it is. The diagnosis was dropped in my lap about a year ago now. It has taken that long for me to realise and accept my condition and I can definitely feel and witness a deterioration in my day to day abilities to do ordinary things. A year ago I was concerned about the denial of things that weren’t day to day like swimming, or riding, or going for a long walk. It is quite ridiculous for me to even think about those things now and I have to plan my day just basically existing and I try and keep a little fuel in my tank so I’m not completely wasted. Training and excersising the puppy will have to be carefully built into each day and I am confident we can do it between us. But if I wait any longer it may not be possible.
So that is my long term project now. My life has changed irremediably and, after mourning my old life for the past year, I begin a new one now. I can’t predict where I’ll be in six months or six years in terms of ability. Let’s see. People tell me not to overdo it. Well that’s quite simple, I can’t! Depending upon what I’m doing it’s like somebody flicking a switch and I just can’t make those limbs work. Recently, an actress (Selma Blair) has been in the news with her diagnosis of MS and she likened it to having a broken GPS which is an analogy that fits well. I know where I am and what I should be doing but the messages are not getting through. Balance is a joke.
However, I hardly dare say it, but I am managing the pain better. That is not to say it has disappeared, but my strategy of coping with it seems to be 75% successful and I still have the interesting CBD oil up my sleeve for when it becomes just too unbearable. I am doing my utmost to get off the prescribed drugs and so far, so good. Not there yet, but that is my ambition for the rest of the year. As well as house training the puppy. 2019 will bring puppy training which could be never ending…………………………………….
I hope my next post will be that I’ve come off the prescribed pain killers. There’s a challenge.
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